sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
