Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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