i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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