i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
