It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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