Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
