Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
