I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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