Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
