Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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