Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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