Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
