just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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