yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
