Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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