If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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