Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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