My friends, they love my intelligence
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
