Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
