I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
