did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
