watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize