Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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