you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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