normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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