it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize