Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
