worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
