what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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