That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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