How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
