I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
