I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
