Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
