Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
