I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
