Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
