wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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