i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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