i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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