I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So many bounce houses so little time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
