Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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