White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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