just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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