The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
