I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
