I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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