There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize