Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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