Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
