this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
