Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
