...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
