I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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