Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
