You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
