honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
