Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
