When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pants are for mortals
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
