Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
