can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mom said you looked used
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
