She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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