I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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