chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i think my cat just said my name.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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