I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
