I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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