I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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