I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
