I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I understand Curling. That high.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
